Crying it out

I read this post this evening .. and I wanted to share my experiences.. because what we did worked.
Of course every child is different.. but this was just our way that worked with our girl…

I was just gonna share what I’m sure many others have.. about sleeping and little ones..

My oldest is now 29months and has always slept well (up till now.. I hope I’m not jinxing it!!)
She always fell asleep on us though, in the evening and we would carry her up to bed asleep and then put her down.

Everyone said we were doing it wrong but we figured seeing as she never woke up.. what’s the big deal?

However, when I got pregnant with Ella, we knew we had to do something about it because it just wouldn’t be practical to imagine that Rowan would be able to go to sleep down here if we had a screaming baby in the room as well. And vice versa..

Rowan had become one of those kids where you breath a little too loudly and she would jump awake like an air rifle had gone off next to her ear!

So I started Crying It Out.

We wore her out to her absolute limit the first two days and she went without a nap

(which incidentally she still has most days.. she goes through phases of not having it, sometimes a few days, but always goes back to it.. we’ve told her that she has to have time in her room even if she doesn’t want to go to sleep.. she always sleeps .. eventually.. sometimes she will play for an hour but will always sleep in the end. Our health visitor said {when questioned about the napping} it’s really beneficial for them to learn how to spend time alone. This is even better for them if they then wake in the night.. as they won’t be scared to be alone and can feel safe in their own bed and own space until they’re ready to go back to sleep).

Anyway, she went without her nap and then these first two nights she was so shattered that she went to sleep within a coupla minutes of protest.. maybe 15 minutes in total….

I sat in the chair in her room (we took a comfy armchair up there especially) and she slept through.

We thought we had hit the absolute JACKPOT!! This is easy! YAY for me!

The third night she cried for 45 minutes.

I felt bad but I didn’t go over to her. She was reaching for me and crying and (she was 18mnths) saying mama but I just made no eye contact and just sat in the chair and looked at the floor.
It almost broke my heart that first night but I just kept my goal in my head. I was already showing a biggish bump. I was knackered with pregnancy already and it just seemed when I thought it through.. that it was fairer to her in the long run.

It felt bad for me and I’m sure at the time.. it felt bad for her.. but you have to understand that they don’t see you as the bad guy. They are always happy to see you the next day. Always. Forgotten and best friends again.

Note here - there is a difference between crying and fussing and screaming. I would never have let her scream. That’s different. She just whined for me and cried. And tried every trick in the book to get me to go over to her ..

Also - you have to look for the pattern. They have to be crying down. In other words their fussing has to be becoming shorter and (generally) quieter and less frequent. They may be quiet for differing lengths of time in between but the bouts should follow the rules above.

If they are crying up.. (i.e. the opposite) .. it’s not working. Pick them up, soothe them and as soon as they are quiet and calmed, put them back down.

It takes incredible amounts of resolve to complete the repetition. But it does work if you persevere. Every time you give in.. you’ve wasted your time.. and their tears. All you’ve taught them is.. cry for this long.. and I’ll give you a cuddle to make it better.

On the 6th day (3rd day 45 minutes of crying, 4th day 15 minutes, 5th day 15 minutes and 6th day 5 minutes) she fell asleep with minimal fussing. And settled herself, got comfy and basically ignored me.

We continued to be present in her room for about 2 weeks and there was the odd hiccup. But one night I just put her down and left the room .. she was absolutely fine.

Not a peep.

It was totally worth it.

She has always slept through (since about 6 months, for 12 hours or more) and has never had any problems unless ill.

I totally believe that the key is consistency. They need rules. They need guidelines that never change. Like someone else said I read in the comments section.. Kids don’t know maybe. They only know yes, or no.

You either will give in and cuddle them eventually, or you will not. Maybes just confuse them and make the issue worse.

It seriously doesn’t take long for them to work out that you won’t give in. And I can’t see anything in her at this stage that suggests I have harmed her in any way. We’re a year on and Rowan actually goes to bed happily shouting ‘it’s bubbise time!!!’

Something I picked up from a TV program was getting a child comfortable in their own space…. Supernanny in fact I seem to recall… She suggested taking the kid up to their bedroom and playing with them in there through the day. Reading books, playing games.. whatever.. but actually get them to appreciate ‘their space’.

Rowan is just starting to vocalise her understanding that her bedroom is hers. She likes being in there and gets taken up to her room every day for her sleep.. whether she sleeps or not..

I think she’s totally comfy in there and this goes a long way to her feeling safe and warm in her room when she wakes in the night. Which she does… cos we hear her jabbering and playing!!

I have the hope that this may help a random few.. !! But if not… well… good luck with whatever you try