where to start?

Today I’m not quite sure what to tell you about first!

The house nearly being blown up by a 19 month old girl?

The toilet breaking and requiring an emergency plumber?

The house completely upside down with the kitchen being decorated?

Or the fact that with all that – this is the day that Rowan decides to get her first ear infection for nearly 2 months. Naturally.

+++++++++++++++

Deep breath…..

So… Rowan is ill. Vomiting. Complaining of a headache with intermittent temperature and fever. We think ear infection but couldn’t get her into the doctor’s today.

I took her to the walk in medical centre in Lincoln last night and got her checked over. There’s pox at nursery and I wanted to know if it could be that.

The very pleasant on-call doctor thought not.

She has a runny nose, a cough, a head ache, sore throat, vomiting and whiffy wind (to put it politely)

She’s very pale and interesting and looks a little green at the gills. Got home last night to find she had a temp of 39.5c and had refused food and was complaining of a sore neck. So natch I took her to doctor.

Since turns out that Rowan thinks her throat is her neck.

Panic over… we’re just keeping an eye on her.

First thing I noticed when I got home last night (apart from the very hot 3 year old) was the distinct smell of gas.

Yes.

My youngest child tried to kill us all.

Well. I say ‘us all’ Only I wans’t here.

So… that would have been fun.

Thankfully the cold weather is behind us (for this week) and therefore the GAS fire in the front room (YES FOLKS! THE GAS FIRE IN THE FRONT ROOM) wasn’t on … otherwise there is a very great chance there could have been an horrific accident here yesterday.

Long story short…. (well shortened)

(Well bullet pointed really)

Kitchen being decorated (crap everywhere) (Kitchen crap everywhere)

Gate off kitchen doorway

Child investigates kitchen (child always kept out of kitchen with said gate as child won’t stop touching everything she can get her hands on)

Child turns on gas hob

BN in lounge with poorly 3 year old turns into BN trapped under slumbering 3 year old.

Child comes into lounge, shuts door

1 hour later, BN picks up poorly 3 year old to take her to bed

Opens door

Craps himself

Runs to kitchen to turn off gas

Greer gets home

Smells gas

Gets full story

Craps herself

Drinks lots of beer

Gate goes back on kitchen door !!

That brings me to today.

Get a text from BN to say the toilet is broken.

Our one toilet.

Of course it is. Because how else could this week end after all than having to pay for an emergency plumber?

<<<<< If I could do a hundred of these smileys … really big …. then that’s what I would be doing!!

Dog tired.

I am shattered. So not much tonight.

Ella is waking in the night at the moment – she’s had a chest infection and cold over Christmas and she’s taken a long time to get over the night time cough and snotty nose… we’ve been helping her with Medised and so on and now 4 teeth are cutting…. her last 4 thank goodness… this bit nearly over for her.

She always gets snotty and coldy with teeth – in the same way that Rowan always got ear infections and we’ve been medicating her every night at bedtime because that always seems to be the time they suffer doesn’t it?

Then suddenly she’s waking in the night.

Two nights running she’s woken at almost midnight and last night she was awake till 1am.

I was off to Leeds this morning for a meeting and had to be up at 6am. Not that early I grant you but slightly early when you’re still up at 1am!

BN was excellent and attended to her knowing I had to get up early – the only trouble is that when you’re awake and you know they’re awake… it is hard to settle back down again. It was that horrible thing where I fell asleep at midnight, got woken up 20 minutes later, fell back to sleep when BN was dealing with her and then got woken up again 20 minutes later… happened for a third time and then couldn’t get back to sleep for half an hour…. bit annoying.

So. Have dozed for half an hour on BN’s lap (through Jamie’s leeks) … if you watch it – you’ll know what I mean… and then thought – quick blog and then off to bed.

Instead watch Never Mind the Buzzcocks with Simon Amstell – which – quite frankly – is hilarious – and NOW I’m doing a quick blog and then off to bed.

A quick blog does go on a bit doesn’t it?

Sore eyes… v tired….. still typing……

zzz

Girly Catch up

It’s been about a week since we talked about the girls. Not much has happened in that week except that it took until Friday night for us to get a full night’s sleep from the night that we moved Ella into Rowan’s bedroom.

First Rowan got her ear and chest infection she spent a week throwing up in the night and coughing until she was sick… took her to the doctors as soon as she was sick the first time. Mainly because she has been prone to ear infections since she was about 10 months old and they are always accompanied with vomiting.

Rowan vomits? We presume ear infection.

And we would be right. So – she was on the azithromycin stuff but vomited up the first two doses within an hour and a half. By Friday she was still bad so we decided that we wouldn’t risk the weekend and having to make a casualty trip and BN took her back. The doctor said that her ear infection had progressed from mild to painful and told us this interesting fact: Azithromycin has to be in your system for 2 hours minimum. This is because it’s absorbed by the small intestine. It takes that amount of time for it to get to the small intestine and therefore being sick before the 2 hours is up means that it won’t get a chance to work.

I think that’s fairly important information.

So, he prescribed a further 3 doses of it (one dose per day) and we changed the time of day we gave it to her and by Saturday afternoon she was markedly better.

SO.

Ella starts showing signs of feeling a little under the weather. By this time we have been up at least once a night for a week. Sorting out vomiting, changing beds, changing pajamas, getting drinks, giving cuddles.. all the while trying desperately not to disturb the baby that you have just moved into the same room.

Ella started to cough and we came to the obvious conclusion that she had caught the chest infection. Not hard to do. They play together all day obviously and cuddle and give each other snot kisses.

Oh yes… let me digress a little… Rowan’s favourite pass time yesterday morning was to ask Ella for a kiss (she has snot trail nose now she’s clearing this infection) and let Ella’s snot get on her face and then theatrically wipe it off with a swish of an arm and a sleeve and pronounce it ‘yukky and disgusting’….

Somehow never so yukky and disgusting that you shouldn’t do it again. Within 5 minutes.

But anyway.

So, she caught the cough and we went through about 4 or 5 nights wishing that she would get over it. She obviously wasn’t well and I did start to get a little concerned when she started being sick because that’s just not her MO as a child.

Ella isn’t sicky. Never has been.. whereas Rowan spewed up at the slightest suggestion of too much food in her mouth, Ella would just open her mouth and gesture for more…

She was kind of coughing but getting stuck at the end of the cough where you would normally breathe in and either cough again or recover.. and she was kind of wheezing and seeming unable to pull a breath in. She was whingy all day and the coughing was resulting in this pukiness.

Eventually after a particularly rough night on Thursday and thinking that really she wasn’t showing any signs of getting better, actually she was appearing to get worse.. we decided that she should go to the doctor.

She got straight in on Friday morning. Again we though it best to get in there and avoid the late night casualty trips… The doc confirmed that she had an ear, throat and chest infection. Apparently her throat was swollen and looked painful. That’ll be why she wouldn’t eat anything for a week then … and that’ll be why she was being sick for three days. Oh yes.. and that’ll be why she was whinging for the whole week unless completely doped up on painkillers.. continuously.

Poor girl. I felt so bad. She’s has three days of antibiotics now and is very much better. We actually got a full nights sleep on Friday night after only 2 doses.. she was sick earlier in the evening but nothing compared to what it has been. Last night was the same… so hopefully tonight we should be getting back to something nearing normal….

Or did I speak too soon…….?

Rowan.

Finally she’s broken the fever and seems to be on the mend. BN took her back to the doctor yesterday morning and he confirmed that the ear infection was a lot worse than it was on Wednesday morning.

I took her to bed with me half way through the night on Thursday. She just still had the temperature of 103. She wasn’t right. Absolutely boiling up and still being sick. I just didn’t feel right not being with her.

She held my hand as she slept and at one point when she woke she said ‘you’re looking after me mummy aren’t you’… she clasped my face and kissed me lightly.

Our doctor is great … he said that the antibiotics have to stay down for a minimum of two hours to have a chance of working. She’d thrown up both doses so far within 90 minutes of taking them and they just weren’t getting the chance to kick in. She’s not on the amoxycillin but a stronger one. Zithromycin? Or something like that. You have one dose a day for 3 days. So she has another course of that and kept the first dose down yesterday. The difference in her is amazing.

Still not really eating but she’s had plain biscuits and cereal. She’s happy in herself and only complaining slightly of pain near her back teeth.

So… I had a lovely lie in this morning to catch up. I sleep so badly when they’re not well. Every noise I hear, I’m instantly awake. Listening intently to see if I’m needed. I worry so much that I’ll be sleeping deeply and won’t hear them that I think this has the extreme effect of depriving me of any sort of normal sleeping pattern.

Wednesday morning I was up at 5.30 for that meeting anyway and the Thursday night, having Rowan with me in bed just meant that I had the unenviable delight of Rowan’s snoring and coughing first hand !!

But hey. It’s all worth it. Glad to see that she’s better and hopefully tonight will be the start of normal sleeping…

oh… did I mention that Ella has picked up the chest infection and is barking like a dog? 

Way too early.

My kids keep waking up at 6am.

What is this about?

Rowan never woke up before 7.30am and most days in fact she woke up somewhere around  8.30… some days we even had to wake her up.

I appreciate that we were spoilt.

I appreciate that we seemed to have an easier baby in Rowan (although ~I would like to point out for the first 3 months of her life this child seemed to survive on the barest minimum of sleep… unless we were awake.. in which case she could sleep the day away. No problem.

But this new baby, this Ella.

I think she was sent from another place to teach human beings about early rising.

The child needs so little sleep that I could quite cheerfully throttle her.

Last night she didn’t fall asleep at 8pm (usual time) she was sick and she pooed and finally ~ after we sorted everything out  ~she fell to sleep about 9pm.

~~~~~

6am. She’s awake.

She still wakes through the night and she wakes up earlier than either of us. I’m wondering if now’s the time to put her in Rowan’s room and just let them entertain each other at 6am until I feel like rolling out of bed…?

What you think?

Plus. Side note. My week off on holiday from work….. I would appreciate at least one lie in. Just one. It would be great if that could happen.

Thanks.

Fantastic!

No blogging last night.. obviously..

We got a babysitter for the evening and we went to the cinema. We saw the Fantastic 4 and it was pretty good.

I’d recommend it for anyone that likes the comic book type of movies. It was no Spiderman 3

but it was a good Spiderman equivalent in standard .. you know what I mean…

My friend Sara came round – she feels bad as she can’t come to the birthday evening out next week.. so instead she offered to babysit so BN and I could go out and relax..

I would have really liked to see Pirates of the Caribbean

but… in this day and age where you don’t seem to be able to find a film less than three hours long and you can’t find a cinema that starts a film any later than 9pm?!?… that just doesn’t seem to be possible!

Is it just me or 10 years ago when I was at Uni and we used to go and see midnight showings of films after the pub if we didn’t feel like going home?

What is happening to the world? Honestly.

So.. we settled for the 9pm showing of the Silver Surfer as we put the girls down at 8 usually. We booked a cab into town for 8.15 and started the bedtime routine half an hour early.

7.30pm we were upstairs, both bathed, both tired, both being wound up like tightly coiled springs by Sara and we were ready for bed.

We gave Ella some Medised – she’s been toothy, and although she’s been OK the last few days I’m not ashamed to admit that I was bowing to the almighty powers of the Slumber God that is Medised.

However.. it all backfired. Poor Ella.

She feel straight to sleep and we thought we were golden. It was ten minutes till our cab arrived and I was ready, BN was ready and we were sitting down having a chat before we went out. … … suddenly Ella woke up.

She wasn’t crying but just sitting in the corner of her cot very quietly and playing with her bedtime rag teething thing. So we watched her for ten minutes and when we left – we left Sara with loads of instructions not to go to her unless she felt it absolutely necessary.
I was concerned that Ella would flip out if a relative stranger went up to her and that would be worse than letting her cry it out.

So I kept in text contact with them and she let me know that at 9am after whinging but not crying, Ella had finally fallen asleep. She’d been in bed for an hour and a half, crying

But I relaxed then and we enjoyed our rare evening out.

We got home and chatted till about midnight with Sara and her boyfriend and after they left I stayed up till about one.

It’s important to mention at this point that I have a very poor and selective sense of smell. Following a couple of operations on nasal polyps, I don’t always have the ability to smell and since I now I have more, if I’m blocked up I couldn’t smell even if I wanted to … last night was one of those nights.

So I went to bed, checked on Ella, she looked fine and I went to sleep. About an hour later I was woken up really suddenly but Ella crying hysterically.

I grabbed her and was trying to calm her down, she was thrashing around and totally flipping out. I grabbed her dummy and laid her down on me and BN mentioned that he thought he could smell poo.

She had a poo in her nappy that must have been there since bedtime. It was totally stuck to her and her bum was so red and raised in bumps. She was so fretful and every time I touched her bum to try and clean her up she was straightening her legs like rods, all the time shaking like a leaf.

In the end BN went and soaked the wipes to try and help. We did the best we could and she settled straight back down and went to sleep until 7.40am ..

So

Feeling slightly guilty…. she probably would have cried had she not been drugged with Medised. But having had that she was awake enough to know she’d done a poo but relaxed enough in body and mind that she obviously couldn’t summon the will to yell.

I feel horrible about it.

If I’d have been at home – was she doing the type of crying I would have gone in to? Would I have ignored her? Why didn’t I smell anything when I went in our bedroom?

So… ah blah….

Bad mother alert.

Gastroenteritis :(

Poor little Ellabum has poorly tummy.

Went up to bed last night and opened our bedroom door only to be greeted with the stench of diarrhoea. Enough is enough now I think. She is obviously poorly so BN had instructions to whisk her off to the doctors this morning.

She had a really gurgly tummy apparently and she was sick a little bit last night too so she’s only allowed to eat plain carbs for the next few days.. she’s not totally impressed with that new rule

So… Rowan still behaving herself at tea time so far… we have had three really good nights.. less of the stropping over eating anything in general and BN has been cooking her some fish and he’s tried sausage rolls..

She’s doing well … it’s a relief cos she’s been quite a handful..

We’re thinking we might try a new method of discipline… what do you think of a jar full of her favourite treats that she can see … have one of when she’s very good and if she’s naughty .. she sees one of them dropped in a fake bin? (A fake bin cos clearly I’m not actually going to throw away treats cos that would be stupid…. I’m not stupid…  honestly).

Argh Pants Pants Pants

Well.

Where do I start?!?!

We moved Ella into Rowan’s room on Monday and that has lasted all of two nights because .. as if there is some entity of infection looking down on us.. the girls have immediately come down with a cough and cold.

Ella has, true to form, instantaneously got a chesty cough and will undoubtedly end up on antibiotics soon enough. She’s having trouble clearing anything out nestling between her nostrils and her brain.. due to babies’ lack of ability to blow their own nose.

Rather large oversight on human development’s part if you ask me.

Babies should really learn how to do this before, say, crawling. Which is infinitely less useful and a hell of a lot more tiresome than learning how to blow ones nose. Particularly seeing as a crawling child is never where you left them, not blowing their nose per se, but smearing bogies on whatever they can get their hands on. Say.. your white curtains.

Anyway. I spent far too large a portion of last night walking backward and forwards to their room collecting Ella and trying to get her back to sleep (without waking up Rowan) and quite frankly I am FAR too tired to even contemplate doing that again tonight.

So, she’s back in our room. And coughing.

Hurrah

What a whirlwind weekend!

Ok — where to start…?

The weekend started off easy peasey.. I took Friday off work (under strict instructions from my boss which is weird in itself.. she thinks I’m working too hard … what kind of boss is this we ask ourselves?) .. I took Rowan to nursery in the morning and for the first time ever, got to pick her up.

The worst pick up ever as she jumped up to see me and banged her head on the fence….!

It was great to see her playing outside though with all the kids and so weird to see her with friends!!

Um… the Friday we went over to Mum & Dad’s and there ensued a weekend of fun, frivolity, drinking and Spiderman!!

Saturday the girls arrived with Merry and Max and we spent the day doing stuff I can’t even remember now… but I’m sure it was good… great to see all the girls.. I took absolutely no photos as our digital camera is still dead and we can’t afford a new one. How pants is that?!?

But I’m sure PoP has some over there..

Then Saturday night we got to go out!! I felt a bit bad as Dad bought enough food to feed an army and I always feel terrible cos I know he buys it all out of such generosity and wants everyone to have something there that they like and no one will be left out… but it never gets eaten and God forbid you’re the person that eats the thing he bought with himself in mind cos then you’re in all sorts of guilt ridden trouble… that’s a whole other story.

Anyway.. we got to go out. It was great. That’s the only trouble with having children in such quick succession is that it sucks the life out of alone time.

Our alone time is an emaciated being with no mind of its own! It doesn’t stick up for itself anymore and it very often stays in its room for weeks at a time!

This was the first time we’d been out for months and it felt really good. Actually, the last time we went out as a couple was the 3rd of March. It’s got so sad I can actually count the dates.. but then the weird thing is – it feels longer than it actually is..? Weird.

Anyway.. Spiderman 3.. how good?! I loved it. Really funny and well worth the watch I thought. It was funny and good effects and well thought out… good acting.. good sets.. characters developing and all that jazz.. an all round goody.

Better than the second I think.. and I really liked that one too in fact.

Saturday morning I also got a lie in which was excellent and really needed. I caught up a bit and managed to sleep until 10am. I know. Don’t faint.

I vaguely recall the days when I slept in till 11 or 12 every Saturday to sleep off the trials of the busy week at work. Recuperate and recharge ready for a weekend of late nights and evenings out. Loved weekends.

Loved weekends out. Loved weekends in. Just loved weekends.

Now weekends are different. They are about seeing more of the girls and seeing family so that they can see more of the girls as well. Spending time with each other where we can.. and now that both the girls are generally sleeping through the night… they are about babysitters!!

Sunday .. we went to Snibston Park in Leicestershire .. never been there before AND I have to say I absolutely loved it. I really enjoyed more than anything, playing on the adventure playground with Rowan. She absolutely loved it. She ran about like a lunatic, climbed, swung and slid.. BN and I joined in and had a go on this massive climbing frame and went down the big slide with her which she thought was just hysterical.. She was clearly pleased as punch that we’d done it with her and I really felt a boost and a tremendous closeness to her just being silly in the moment… It will be one of my best ever memories with her.

Have a look

She was travel sick as always .. seriously if anyone has any tips on how to stop kids throwing up in the car.. that would be fab

Then Sunday night.. I rather excellently looked after ALL the children while Merry and Max went out for a drink.. We all stayed up watching High School Musical and then I put all four of them to bed which involved making a magic bed for Josie, tucking everybody in twice, counselling one who missed parents and taking one back to a room to sleep on her own.

I was great and rather a proud moment as Josie and I had a little cuddle and discussed magic beds.. and poo!

So today all the girls left and we came home early afternoon to washing, naps and lots more food. I’m ashamed to say I have put on 5lbs in 4 days. Is that even possible…?!?!?

So yet another week will be about shifting the weight that I have put on over a weekend. Rather daft. I have to find my willpower again. I was doing so well but I seem to have lost the will to be good at weekends which is proving to be some what of a problem. I lose weight all week and then put it straight back on Friday to Monday .. then spend another 5 days getting rid of it all.

SO I fear that in this month’s BOTB, it will be yet another week where nothing actually changes although officially there will have been times where I was slimmer!!

Um.. this evening I will mostly be eating chocolate and drinking beer… hmmm and tonight will be the first night that we sleep as two adults alone in our room since 9th August last year.

Yes.. We have claimed back our bedroom!! Ella has moved into Rowan’s room.. so far… she may yet be back… we’ll keep you posted..

Weekend Catch up.

Just a catch up on the weekend.. we’ve had a really good time. BN and I have really connected this weekend. Not in any way in particular.. I’ve just really had a laugh and felt very relaxed.. drunk some wine and chilled out about my WW for a couple of days.

I’ve incidentally had a good weekend for weight watchers this week and as of this morning I’ve lost 2lbs since Monday morning.. which is great because that’s weight loss for two weeks in a row.. maybe the Mirena curse is lifting.. ? Hope I haven’t spoken too soon.. I have a habit of doing that!

We’ve finished the front room.. it’s looking gorgeous and brown and beige and cream and yummy and BN fixed an amazing solid oak shelf for a mantle that we bought from ebay for £40 … I didn’t think that was bad at all..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 So .. there’s that… we went shopping.. I bought a couple of new tops.. IN the NEXT SIZE DOWN!!! YAY!!

And then we’ve had super weight loss magic curry for tea two nights in a row. It really is amazing… every time I’ve eaten it, the next day – you’re like 2lbs lighter!

Every time.

It’s Magic Curry!

So… what else have we done..?

We’ve tidied out the dining room and shed belongings from the lounge. So we’re a whole lot emptier and I feel much better for it.

The house is starting to look better for it and I’m so pleased to have the lounge devoid of children’s things.

It might sound mean but I don’t intend it that way. They can have all their stuff next door… It’s just so nice to be able to sit down in our lounge and not see kids crap everywhere. All her books are on the bookshelf at the bottom where she can get them whenever she wants. And all their toys are next door in a toy box.. so it’s not that mean..

So the house is looking much better. Thanks to BN really. I have to give him his credit.

I’m off to bed soon after my lovely milky coffee… and hopefully we’ll actually get some sleep as my lovely 8 month old baby has seemingly forgotten how to sleep through the night … which is great.

In fact.. if I ever do get to sleep through the night ever again.. I’ll be quite shocked.

 

 

Ella’s new trick

Ella can clap her hands!!

If you say ‘clap hands’ she will clap… what a clever girl!

She is at this time waking up and crying every 5 minutes and has been for a while now… so she’s not exactly my favourite person.. Not right this second.

I envisage a night of little sleep is ahead.

Bum.

bluurrrrgh..

You know today is just one of theose days.. I have nothing interesting to say…

I won a sales competition at work today for the zone … Scotland down to Kettering.. Not bad..

Name up in lights..

Well.. email..

Rowan had a strop as soon as I got in and did nothing but have random bursts of tears and weird hyper giggle fits for an hour until she went to bed for her own safety..

Ella is teething. I’m sure. Woke an hour after going to bed and was whingy and crying … F.A.B.

Work is going well.. I thought it was too boring to blog about work to be honest. There is a really good story I could tell at the moment but it requires a fair bit of background to be worth reading at all..

I have just been discussing this with a friend who says that anything with background is worth blogging .. so you I will promise some worky ethical and morally questionable activity soon for your reading pleasure

****************

I tried to get lots of sleep last night and went to bed at 10.30 ish (as Ella had slept straight through from 7 till 6.30 two nights in a row) to sleep in till 6.30.

Yes?

No.

Ella woke at 11.15pm. 12.15am. Stayed awake for an hour and a half, went back down at 1.40am and then woke at 4.45am. Slept with me till 6.

We are not amused.

SO I could do with some more sleep. But when isn’t that true?

Lastly, some good news.

It is almost time to blog my Battle of the Bulge Post and I have almost lost a stone now since I started.

Yes.

Yes.

Nearly 14lbs off since I started with WW..

So it does work then

Develop-mental!

I’m trying to get the urge to blog tonight. I just don’t feel like I have any time at the moment!!

Everything is getting very busy. Work is hectic. I’m going crazy mental with to-do lists of stuff that needs to be done. I’ve already slipped into the whole forgetting family birthdays thing.. never getting shopping.. forgetting to go to the bank at lunch (ha! What lunch!?) because I have no time to remember I actually have personal errands to run..

I get home somewhere between 6.15pm and 6.30pm Monday to Friday and it’s straight into teatime (if not already happened or happening) and bath time, bedtime.

I see Rowan and Ella for about an hour after I get home and we go through our little schedule. Rowan is just delighted with our routine and happily reels off all the stages one by one until we say ‘.. and what comes after bath time?’

‘..dry ‘air’ (Rowan consistently drops her h’s on every single h word)

‘.. and what’s next?’

‘BEDTIME!!!!’ she yells!! So happy to be going to bed. It’s so very strange and easy with her and not really what I was expecting with a little one to be honest

By the time I sit down it’s 8pm and I just want to veg. Lay like broccoli. I’ve had a bit of a Pretty Woman theme this week, I think..

My job is just sooo time consuming! And highly targeted & pressured and so it’s getting the end of the fifth week back and I think I’ve done a 55 hour week every one of those weeks. And that has been hard.

As you know, Ella has been unwell, so I don’t think I’ve had a full nights sleep in any of those weeks so far..

Also in that time, Ella has learned to roll over, (she is almost sitting up unaided now) and Rowan has learned to draw a ‘w’ and a ‘t’… not to mention the leaps and bounds in her vocabulary and communication skills..

Not just satisfied with ‘no’ anymore, Rowan has now progressed to ‘I don’t want it’ said in a very posh little tone!

I got home yesterday and Rowan said ‘I can’t reach’.. for something I forget now..

‘I didn’t know she could say that.’

‘Oh yes’, he said ’she’s been saying that for a while now.’

Sniff sniff

Bad mother.

Missed all these things.

I’ve missed all these things .. missing development and milestones but then I know what I’m doing is providing them with things that I want them to have.

When they go to school, I’ll miss loads of things as well. But they will tell me about them. I don’t welcome the idea of them going to school. But then actually, I panicked completely about the idea of leaving Rowan in someone else’s care altogether and yet most mornings when I leave her at nursery, I don’t even look back!!

One morning, I actually forgot to wave goodbye!

I was late for work.

Bad mother.

But.

I’m bringing home the bacon. Making the dough. Being the breadwinner.
And many other food related analogies for making money.

It feels like a tough decision sometimes but then when I think about being at home with them day in day out.. I know what I’m doing is a good thing. I don’t want to be with them all day. I would hate it. Rowan drives me round the bend just at the weekend! I have no patience for the two year old.

Endless patience for the baby. Just not for the two year old.

It’s basically this: As soon as free will comes into it.. they piss me off.
Not all the time obviously. But just in general throughout the day. It’s the persistent, insistent, consistent pushing of buttons till you snap. Realising that saying ‘I’m tired’ might get them out of the penalty zone.

Even understanding (God dammit!! ) that being hungry might get her out of something she’s done wrong!

I didn’t mean it mummy.. ‘I’m ‘ungry!!’ whine whine… argh!! *tears hair out*

I don’t want to be at home with them all day because being with them all day would mean I couldn’t do my job.

And I love my job.

I love my kids.. obviously.. but at least working as well, means I get both.

Plus. Families need money and my earning potential is so much higher. It makes sense.

I’ve come across so many people who think what we do is weird.

I’m weird for going to work. I’m a mother. I should want to be with my children.

BN is weird for staying at home.

It’s not ‘normal’. He’s a dad. He should work.

It’s bizarre for a man to want to be with his kids at home.

When I say that actually BN doesn’t want to be at home. He would much rather be working. I see people almost visibly relax with relief that we’re ‘not that odd then’..

At least he doesn’t want to be doing it.

He is normal.

Oh, we are normal then.

Good good. I was worried.

It’s been a bit of a work day..

Work has been pretty frustrating and annoying today… troubles with people seem to be the only thing that makes my job harder than it should be!

I actually need to talk about it and get it all off my chest but I guess I’ll bore BN with that later

BN took Ella to the doctors today after all of this stupid stupid chest infection and coughing and vomiting that I have just had enough of.

I need sleep apart from anything else. It is getting a bit beyond a joke.. It’s like having a newborn baby again the amount Ella’s waking up and it’s all with this coughing malarkey …. and I’m trying to work 10 hour days every day… (violins play in the background.. )

Aaaaanny-waaaaaayy…

She has a bad throat infection and has stronger antibiotics this time (rather than stupid stupid Amoxycillin that never ever works!!)..

Also … finally the girls have some eczema treatment and have been given slightly stronger cream to see if it helps with these annoying dry, itchy rashes on their faces.

So… I am ever hopeful that the sleep situation gets better because seriously.. if I don’t get a full night’s sleep soon……  I may cry…

Aw babies are so gorgeous tiresome..

At this precise moment, Ella is waking approximately every 10 minutes and whining until I go upstairs and calm her down.

I will go upstairs and calm her, only because it is so unlike her to wake at this time and whine or cry.

She did wake at 1.30am and 4am last night but I was so knackered (friend over, bed late) that I just grabbed her and took her to bed… both times. She was awake for about 2 minutes and then wriggles an hour later when she’d decided I was just not comfy enough…

I know I know …. rod-for-own-back people – please, please refrain from making comments about this… When you know you would do the same thing if you’d only been asleep for an hour!!

Anyway – Tonight (I am going to bed shortly) I am going to get better sleep, and every time she wakes up, I will dutifully cuddle her and put her back… without taking her to bed. This seemed to be working when I was doing it last week but we went away and it all got messed up…

She is a really good baby and is actually very happy to sleep in her own bed. She isn’t fussy normally but she hasn’t been well now for about 3 weeks I think and I can just about forgive her for needing her mummy in the night. I’m also fairly sure she another tooth coming through as well….

Joy.

So we’re on toothie peg watch…

I’ll keep you posted!

Lastly…

Why is it that you can yawn your head off all day (and yes I mean literally, yawn. your. head. off) and then get home and be sat on your sofa, with laptop, posting away and not really seem able to bring yourself to the point where you can be arsed to go to bed…?

Even when your eyes hurt. Physical pain from tired eyes. Still typing.

It makes no sense to me.

I’m knackered.

I should go to bed.

And yet here I am.

Still typing.

Crackers.