I have to tell you this.

It made me laugh [although slightly disturbed me] that yesterday somebody found my blog by Googling

 ’I love it in the bum’

Now of course…. me being me… [come on don't lie to yourselves .... you know you would too] I instantly had to Google ‘I love it in the bum’ to see which post exactly in my nice, clean living, family-oriented blog that brought them to.

It made me laugh even more when the result of the Google showed I was the 5th Link…

… Yes

The.Fifth.Link. for ‘I love it in the bum’

I then laughed even harder when I realised it was this post!!

Oh, how disappointed they must have been!!

Bless my boring life!

We have poo!!!!!

Magic Cream! We love you!

We went shopping today for ‘Magic Cream’ … I have seen it before on the shelf in Boots. Avent actually do a cream … a hypoallergenic moisturiser for dry skin and many other claims… and have called it ‘Magic Cream’.

She was totally up for it   

We bought some and talked about it all afternoon.

One of the consistent claims she has made is that her bottom hurts. I’m almost ashamed to say that I have dismissed it out of hand because I just thought that she was saying whatever she thought it would take to get out of having to poo in the toilet.

But - after tonight I think I do believe her.

She did do a poo on the loo - the magic cream was enough to tempt her. She’s flinched at cold cream on her bum before and says it stings (whatever it is) so I left it floating in the bath for 5 minutes before we tried to apply and then put it on before she sat on the loo.

She was v impressed it was warm and that totally brought her round. 1 point to me!

I could tell she was curious. Last night she hopped off the loo after a few minutes and clearly wasn’t up for it but tonight she stayed there and I offered a towel to wrap around her thinking that perhaps if she had some privacy that might help….?

So she dropped the towel after a coupla minutes and said it was coming.

Lucky me - got full view - her eyes did water quite a lot to be fair and she said it was stinging so I think she may indeed have a sore tushy.

More magic cream afterwards.

Suitably proud of herself but a little reticent - she agreed to tell Daddy what had happened. We went to find him and when she backed out of saying, I brought BN up to date. He offered congratulations and gave her a kiss and Rowan replied…

‘But I’m not impressed though!’

Another conference….another day

Well… this year they have decided that the annual conference should be held at the end of the year rather than in March.

A massive improvement I have to say… normally we have it at the end of the first quarter and sit and discuss plans for the year ahead when 3 months of it have already gone by… it has always seemed an odd concept to me to be honest.

So - this year to represent the merger of more of the sister companies into one big group, 3 of the group were invited to one conference and apparently we were the only branch of the group that were intelligently having the end of year conference practically halfway through the following one.

So… what did this mean to me?

Well… basically it meant I had to buy another sodding dress

Yes I could have worn the one I wore in March…. if I had wanted to look like a sack of potatoes. It’s now 2 dress sizes to big for me. So I ended up going out and spending £200 on a new outfit.

Yes… the shopping was reasonably good fun as we had the Mad Lindsey… Lindsey the Mad… that should be her sales name… she was great.. but no I don’t really have £200 to spend so I have had the genius idea of putting it on eBay.

Unless… is there anyone out there who would like a size 14 floor length black dress?

I have picture burst mode on my camera and me and Tet decided to take a few piccies of each other so that we had something to show our other halves… actually for me it was for LNT but she doesn’t know about this. So we were taking bursts of 6 pictures and at the end of Tet’s she pulled her underwear from the crack of beyond and the last photo was her laughing… we decided it should be a theme…

CAUGHT!!!!!!

So…. the conference itself was very good…. very motivational as always and a little apologetic after a few redundancies this year. The do was good in comparison to March. The food was way better…. smoked salmon for starter and a kind of Christmas dinner… I say kind of because it was about 4 slices of turkey and then 2 brussel sprouts, one carrot, one potato and one sausage wrapped in bacon.

I don’t know about you guys but Christmas dinner where I come from is about 800 calories further south than that and a whole lot better… but it wasn’t tasteless… so I was all happy!

Pudding however… not really my thing anyway but unfortunately it was Christmas Pudding… which I cannot abide. YUK. BOO!

So I didn’t get any pudding…. pants.

On the plus side however there was free wine and beer (as much as you could drink, No pregnant Catherine Gee but Lenny Henry instead!

And I have to say Lenny Henry was effing hilarious!!

The funniest part of the evening had to be the warm up (3 glasses of wine already drank I have to add… Tet and I singing along to Band of Gold and the camera fell on us… it was hilarious…. unfortunately not something you can get away with when you do it in front of a company you have worked for for 8 years and there was quite a lot of laughing…. at us.

Isn’t it just hideous to hear yourself drunkenly cackling? Ugh… I will get lots of emails about this…. ah well….

—————-

So then fast forward to today… Rowan is ill with yet another ear infection. Currently fast asleep. Not keeping any food down at the moment. Have been up with her most of the evening. Have given her Midised this afternoon for its anti-cough properties and anti-nausea benefits. It seems to have done the trick and she is currently enjoying a long rest which she definitely deserves.

She is a pretty sickly child and she’s got so good at being sick now (she’s so used to it) that she is sick into a couple of lined carrier bags, aims perfectly and then is ready to be cleaned up and just sits back down like she’s been drawing a picture.

Bless her.

She and Ella both have bronchitis also… so luckily it’s the week before Christmas and you never know - with any luck - they may both be well for the up and coming festivities…..

Or did I speak too soon……….?

argh.. done it again

Oh no! It’s loads more days have gone past and I haven’t done any blogging really…

Friday… work was so hectic last week. We had Sarah and family to stay on Friday night and I hadn’t seen her since I was 5 months pregnant with Ella. She’s my best mate but we’re both so hectic with kids and life and no money that it’s always so hard to arrange anything.

We had a great time on Friday night - chatted, drank and chatted more. She looked great and I miss her loads.

Saturday we all had a day out, went out for lunch and did some shopping. The boys took the kids back to ours (Sarah and Steve have two girls too) and Sarah and I went dress shopping. I have posted the picture of hers obviously - I would love to post the pictures of some that I tried on but BN reads this blog so I can’t!

We had an excellent time shopping in the end - our first experience wasn’t so great. I really should have listened to Kirsty and Bam when they told me that Pronuptia was the City of the Dead. They have to be the most unwelcoming miserable women I have ever had the misfortune to meet. I was so excited about trying on dresses with Sarah. I was hoping for a giggle and some silliness - some froo froo silly frocks and hopefully a few that looked like ‘the one’…

Pronuptial women made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for their shop and that really I shouldn’t be looking at *their* dresses. She stood 2ft away from Sarah and I while we got a chance to look at.. ooh about 4 dresses. We kept giving each other sideways glances and as we selected our 3rd dress, Crankety McEvil whisked them away, hung them in a changing room, ushered me in there, ordered me to undress to my underwear and swept the curtain shut as she walked away in one fluid movement. A very practiced routine.

I felt like my face didn’t fit. I am not thin. I am not a beautiful goddess of weddingy gorgeousness. I am me. And *me* clearly wasn’t good enough.

Sarah is such a good friend. Are you OK she whispered from behind the curtain. I pulled the curtain back and asked the ice queen .. ‘exactly what is the process here? You haven’t explained anything to me’.

Strip to your underwear and I’ll be in to fit you into each dress. She said in a harsh German accent. Ok well maybe not German accent but you get the picture.

Strip to your underwear. STRIP!! I suddenly had the mental image of a 1950s matron ordering a rectal examination from a terrified patient!!

STRIP!!!! Strip just didn’t conjure up the exciting giggly day I had imagined.

I pulled the curtain back and stood in the changing room. Are you OK? whispered Sarah. I just didn’t want to be in there. I felt so disappointed. I didn’t know of any other wedding shops in Lincoln. I didn’t want to be in here and it seemed like my fantasticly girly afternoon with Sarah wasn’t going to happen.

Come on - let’s go, she said. It’s horrible in here and we deserve to have a good time. She said it loudly and the woman turned round at the other end of the shop.

We’re leaving I said. We don’t want to be in here and we’re going to go and try somewhere else.

She looked… well to be honest… annoyingly… she looked relieved. I was clearly right. My face just hadn’t fit. She hadn’t wanted to help me. I just wasn’t Pronuptia client material obviously.

Well. BUM to them

We walked out, Sarah suggested phoning 118, we found two more shops listed and one was right round the corner. We went in and instantly the whole atmosphere was so different. The girl was lovely. Really made it special. We chose Sarah’s chocolate brown dress first and then we got led over to the other side and were left alone in the bridal area for a good 15 minutes. We giggled, and cooed and ahhhd over dresses and had such a great time.

Thank you to Image for a really lovely time..

So… Sunday we lazed… went shopping… walked about… bought a couple of inconsequential things… lazed some more. BN thinks that Ella said kiss before giving him a kiss on the face. Rowan’s birthday is coming up and we keep pointing things out to her. I think the other day she said she wanted something a bit bizarre.. like oh I don’t know… a gravy boat or something. It wasn’t a gravy boat but I just can’t remember.

She’s getting bunk beds (more our choice really as the room is really small and next month, Ella is going in it. The cot bed needs to be turned back into a cot for Ella and Rowan is moving into the lower bunk.

She is thrilled with that idea though which is a relief. Would be kind of a bummer if she was dead set against bunks. It would be kind of torturous, mean presents for people to make them unhappy for their special day

She is very taken with what she’ll do when she’s older at the moment. We’ve had plenty of variations. I think the latest have been working in a bank (to do mortgages) (later revised to being a bank manager at BN’s suggestion), bin man (but only if she could have lots and lots of pink bins and an apron!! She’s very specific) and a professional footballer.

She’s very diverse

hmmm…

Stuff to say today.

More developments in the House of Vomit.

Ella sat up in bed at 1am and vomited everywhere.

So… it seems that the vomit has not left us as I thought it had. She seems better today.. not really sure why they’re ill… must be a bug I guess.

Would be nice if we could get through a week here without vomit, cold, diarrhoea and more things that I can’t think of in order to write a truly impressive list

Further update to the weekend’s vomit is that Ella then pooed on the carpet. I was in the shower and heard thump thump thump up the stairs.. the door was kicked open and BN walked in holding a rather odourous Ella at arms length with… what can only be described as a warm explosion of shite up her back and over her pajamas.

Nice.

Not.

So I then proceeded to clean off a brown baby in the shower (all the while contemplating what to do with my bath tub afterwards in order to make sure that it was all gone) and actually had to get my hands in there to clean it all off.

All the while, being naked .. and actually *in* the bath with her.

I was not a very happy bunny.

So … ( do you think So is my often used word?) things have hardly moved on here.

I look forward to tonight and to what lays in store for me in the region of sleep, or lack thereof.

Hmmm.. maybe sleep *is* my most often used word….

Internet schminternet!

The internet at our house has got tummy ache

So a quick post to tell you a couple of things that have happened over the last couple of days…

I had the long weekend which Rowan and Ella finished off nicely by getting some sort of 48hour tummy virus which Rowan spent puking up all over our carpets. They really do not resemble the colour they were when they were bought (the carpets not the children).

We watched The Crocodiles of Banana with Rowan (which she loved). The talking teddy bears (the beavers) were a particular hit.

Then… yesterday afternoon I had to go back to work… which was a bit bizarre but has made me realise how much I would like to be part time eventually. It was odd going into work halfway through the day though and oddly stressful too.. because basically I just had to try and fit a whole day’s work into 4 and a half hours.

So then … um… back to work properly today.. that was all kind of boring. Nothing particularly exciting happened apart from an update on the work problem. I am managing the factory this week which makes everything a bit more hectic but not exactly hard.. just a bit busier.

Rowan is getting hilarious and has learned the concept of insult. Oh yes!

My child cannot only play us up now .. but she can play up and be mean as well

Her first ever one was (said with the giggles) ‘DADDY!! You smell like poo!’

Her second ever one was ‘Daddy - you smell like mummy!’ (Followed by much giggling & hilarity from both her and BN)

Charming!

*places hands on hips and flounces off*

Rowanism..

Rowan is just cottoning on to the fact that people have names and then they also have names that she calls them.

i.e. I am mummy but also Greer. BN is daddy but also ‘BN’

She tries to call us BN and Greer and we have to remind her that she has to call us mummy and daddy… she gets a bit annoyed when we won’t let her!

*******

We had the telly on the other day and someone on the TV called someone else ‘BN’ and she whipped round and said….

‘Nooooooo… not BN silly you call him DADDY!!!!’

This week we will mostly be…

Dieting!

I need to lose this last half stone before my weekend out for my birthday .. that’s my goal and I am trying to focus on that!!

Send me all your focusing vibes!!

Nothing to report on the girls this fine day really.. Rowan was funny when I got home and gave me a lovely big cuddle and said that she’d missed me.. bless her..

Ella is being just cuteness itself and always has big smiles and happiness for you when you get home which is heart-melting and scrummy..

I know something Rowan has done actually - she’s developed her own name for Ella.. We never call her anything but Ella or Ella bums but last night and this morning she called Ella, Elli…. she has created her own little pet name for her… how cute!!!

Lastly - I have to ask… what on earth is going on with the storyline in EastEnders?!?! Baby stealing?! I ask you… how ridiculous! Tut

Am i mean for posting this? :)

Am i mean for posting this? , originally uploaded by Little Nut Tree.

Hell… I know I am… but it was so funny! She was in a bit of trouble for something pretty minor and she decided to throw herself on the floor to dramatise … who Rowan? Drama? Nooo… surely not..

Anyway … she fell over and hit her knee and then really did cry.. I couldn’t resist.. I see future blackmail potential maybe….? Or at least first boyfriend visits to meet parents excursions out of the Flickr album

Protected: First Girl today…

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Grumpy Old Men & The Most Bizarre Bus Ride Ever.

More weekend catch up.

When we go to my parents, I step back in time somewhat & revisit a teenage era. My folks live in a village just about 3 miles out of the nearest town and so if you want to do anything you have to get the bus. Well, we do because we don’t drive..
I’m just not used to it anymore. We now live 7 minutes walk from town and I have never even been on a bus here!Not once in the 6 years we’ve lived here.

Anyway.. the bus arrived and the driver was the worst possible example of grumpy, rude, ignorant arse-hole man that there ever was. I politely had offered that the other couple at the stop should get on first seeing as I knew we would hold things up having the pushchair etc. not to mention the two year old that wants to do everything herself..

We went to lift the pushchair on and the driver got all nasty about breaking the law and that the pushchair had to be folded as it was against the law to have it on board with a child in it… Is this against the law anyone? I had no idea anyway..

Cut to bus ride back home.. got on the bus.. pushchair carried onto the bus, with child.. no mention of law breaking and there was a couple of ladies a few sandwiches short of a picnic .. .. sat in the front seats…

There was a massive shopping bag in the place for wheelchairs/pushchairs and as I got there she offered to move her bag for me to fit Ella in.

“If you don’t mind that would be great, I would like to sit with my baby if I can” .. the bus was crowded and she kindly turned her bag round in a way that left me a tiny bit more space..

suddenly…

“MOVE IT. SHE SAID MOVE IT!!! DON’T JUST TURN IT ROUND!! MOOOOOVE IT!! MOVE THE BAG!”

It’s fair to say I nearly shat myself soiled myself with shock as the second lady took it upon herself to take control, deciding I just didn’t have enough room… & was screaming at the first woman to move the bag altogether.

She was proper yelling at this woman and I just did. not. know. where to put myself.

I was just kind of looking at the floor and begging to be swallowed up as BN squidged passed to a seat further back taking Rowan. He glanced at me trying to keep a straight face. I quickly said it didn’t matter and sat down, glancing up at BN every now and then trying not to giggle.

The bus got moving and Rowan was waving and shouting hello to me from her seat and Ella was being v cute in the pushchair. We were playing blowing raspberries at each other, making her giggle and then another elderly woman opposite me said:

“Boy or girl?”

“Er.. girl.. both girls”

“Ah.. you want more, yes?” Although actually said more like …’You’ll be having more because I SAID so.’

“Humm. no.. don’t think so..” as I shook my head she just nodded at me and said yes over and over. “Yes you want more.. lots more.. you gotta keep the white race going…”

ER … ooookaaaay?!?! I was a touch surprised to say the least..

“You want a boy anyway. You going to try for a boy next, yes?”

“mmm, no.. I’m quite happy with my girls thanks”

Yes, yes she muttered and nodded.. completely in her own little world to be honest. I wasn’t really necessary for her conversation… try for a boy..

Why is it that most people that find out you have only girls seem to think you must be disappointed?!

Are girls no good? Is there some secret that no one is telling me? Is there something I should know? Will my girls self destruct? Melt? Defy nature and try and grow penises anyway?

To all people there who think that girls is just what you get when you were trying for boys..

BOG OFF!! Girls are the best!

I stand Corrected.

We gave Rowan one of her Easter Presents this morning - she’s had to wait for them as she’s been given a few things by other people.

It was a tube of mini eggs with an Easter Bunny on top..

“Look it’s a bunny!”

She looked up at me sceptically through her eyelashes…

“Rabbit, mummy” she pouted..

Oh Bah!

What is this ability I have to predict the future? Or Whatever..

Rowan woke up in the night crying last night that she’d fallen over.

Yes.

Fallen Over.

In bed.

‘Rowan doesn’t wake up.. she sleeps through..’ blah blah blah..

Ella was awake from 2am till 3am. Rowan woke at 4. Ella woke at 5.

I’ll get my coat.

And go somewhere where children can’t read blogs!!

Hmmm.. I never knew this was at my door

Hmmm.. I never knew this was at my door, originally uploaded by Little Nut Tree.

What was it I said to BN last night?

Oh yes.. Rowan never even gets out of her bed.. you put her in bed and she’ll play till she goes to sleep…

She hasn’t yet worked out that she can get out of bed and there is the house outside her door…

Next morning… I kid you not.. Children read blogs…

And minds!!!!

The Fairies

The Fairies is a children’s program on Nick Jnr in the morning..

Bear with me….

It’s an Australian program centered around two fairies Rhapsody and Harmony..

It’s the kind of program where they learn valuable moral lessons abut being honest and helping other fairies get their stuck head out of a flower…helping a friend in need…. (don’t ask me to explain more about this because I don’t know)

The Fairies say each others’ names at every opportunity in every sentence. Clearly this must also a valuable lesson… … … ?

Yeeeesss…
……we’re positive this must be a valuable lesson for every child….. we’re just not sure which lesson that may be… maybe it is fundamental for every two year old to be encouraged to repeat everyone’s name at least four times in every conversation.. I dunno…

Anyway.. I digress..

Thanks to this gem of a children’s program.. (as I was getting dressed for work this morning in our bedroom) …..BN lazed in bed and the girls were watching said Fairies… … … after a bizarre conversation..

my mammary friends are now… affectionately renamed… (by BN I hasten to add)

………….. you guessed it

Rhapsody and Harmony

Oh the weird and wonderful life of The Little Nut Tree !!!

Do you think I’m the only woman in the world who can walk around and say she has a coupla fairies under her top??!?

 

No, probably not …