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December 31, 2006

I had it!! It happened!! And no I’m not talking about anything obscene – one good night was had last night so now I don’t care if NYE is crappy!

Rich’s girlfriend arrived last night – I’ll call her Early Riser (It’s the only nickname I can think of and she’s always up SO early) – and it prompted the arrival of G&G in the living room. MG got really drunk which was really pretty funny and even though I had to disappear for half an hour to settle a slightly overwraught Ella – the evening was really good. No games really got off the ground but the chatter was good, we had a good meal and then all got a bit sozzled and it was just what I needed.

More importantly – I collared my very drunk dad for a conversation I have wanted to have for ages. Big Nut has long been of the opinion that he’s not really liked. He knows he’s part of the family etc. etc. (I mean we have two kids together for goodness sake) but I think he’s always felt that MG doesn’t really really like him. There’s this thing they always have when they’re any game playing is that my dad will have little digs at Big about winning or competitiveness which always come across very competitively from my dad (although he always insists that his competitive days are well behind him) and always makes him out to be a bit of a bad loser to be honest. But having spoken to dad last night – it turns out (and I do believe him) that he thinks he’s just ‘ribbing’ and that in fact he is now mortified to think that he’s ever made Big feel like he’s not liked. I tried to be tactful and diplomatic about everything but nevertheless there were things I wanted to know.

So … it turns out that dad thinks Big is obsessed with winning and that he’s always ‘ribbed’ him because he’s always thought that’s been a bit silly. I obviously had to correct him. You see the thing with Big is that he just likes to play games (any board game really) and he likes to play well. He really couldn’t give a toss whether he wins or not but he’s strategy minded and likes to get to the end of boardgames (or anything really) and know that even if he lost – he played a good game. i.e. he didn’t make stupid mistakes or didn’t try hard. I think somewhere along the line dad has completely misconstrued this as the obsession with victory. I’m not really sure how. Dad has somehow drawn parallels of him and Big between him and my mum’s dad from when he was younger. Dad never felt good enough for his FIL and I think he’s now a little bit disappointed to see that maybe he’s doing something similar to Big.

The fact remains that Big has always felt a little judged I think. A little bit like he’s been singled out for some negative attention and ‘got at’ for something he really felt was unjustified and always remained completely mystified as to why or how it all started. Not only that but because the attention came from a FIL always felt that he couldn’t even mention or do anything about it because that would be ‘rude’.

Sooooo……. I’m hoping that I’ve helped 😮 There’s a possibility that I may have caused damage of course and that my dad will remember this conversation and be horrendously embarrassed and avoid me forever or I suppose he may not even remember it at all…

We shall see…

Aren’t families just a big pain in the bum? I just hate hate hate this kind of thing. It really gets me down. But I hate to see people unhappy way more. I hate seeing Big unhappy or sad most of all so something had to be done.
Big is pleased that I’ve done it I think – he may be a little nervous of the possible outcome – but after 6 years of thinking he’s disliked – It can only be good to find out that’s not the case… I hope.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. December 31, 2006 1:17 pm

    I’ve just tried and failed to reply to this about 20 times and it won’t come out right.

    Top and bottom of it is (or tops and bottoms) a) he isn’t disliked at all but *i* still feel like i need to get to know him better(plenty of time for that!) AND B) BEEN THERE DONE THAT ON THE ENTIRE SON IN LAW THING!

    oops. Didn’t mean to shout!

    I’ve been in Max’s family for 13 years and it is only in the last 2-3 years that i’ve started to form a very independent relationship with his brother, who i have always liked but never really got to know that well. These things do take time over space and distance but that doesn’t mean the intention isn’t good 🙂

    Good for you sorting it though! And HA!!!! at Dad tickling anyone about competitive board gaming. Risk anyone? 17 double sixes????

  2. January 1, 2007 2:14 pm

    well quite – I’ve thought about replying ot this loads of times as well but probably best left for a face to face late one night with a bottle of something alcofrolic!

  3. January 1, 2007 6:32 pm

    No, i’m off alcohol forever. I drank a bottle of baileys and 2 glasses of champagne last night!

    Was wondering; can BN put together a flickr badge of his arty works at some point (you can do flickr badges by tag or set) and i could have it on my blog. It gets a wide readership and perhaps when peoples pockets recover, they’ll notice and seek him out.

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