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Develop-mental!

March 8, 2007
by

I’m trying to get the urge to blog tonight. I just don’t feel like I have any time at the moment!!

Everything is getting very busy. Work is hectic. I’m going crazy mental with to-do lists of stuff that needs to be done. I’ve already slipped into the whole forgetting family birthdays thing.. never getting shopping.. forgetting to go to the bank at lunch (ha! What lunch!?) because I have no time to remember I actually have personal errands to run..

I get home somewhere between 6.15pm and 6.30pm Monday to Friday and it’s straight into teatime (if not already happened or happening) and bath time, bedtime.

I see Rowan and Ella for about an hour after I get home and we go through our little schedule. Rowan is just delighted with our routine and happily reels off all the stages one by one until we say ‘.. and what comes after bath time?’

‘..dry ‘air’ (Rowan consistently drops her h’s on every single h word)

‘.. and what’s next?’

‘BEDTIME!!!!’ she yells!! So happy to be going to bed. It’s so very strange and easy with her and not really what I was expecting with a little one to be honest 🙂

By the time I sit down it’s 8pm and I just want to veg. Lay like broccoli. I’ve had a bit of a Pretty Woman theme this week, I think..

My job is just sooo time consuming! And highly targeted & pressured and so it’s getting the end of the fifth week back and I think I’ve done a 55 hour week every one of those weeks. And that has been hard.

As you know, Ella has been unwell, so I don’t think I’ve had a full nights sleep in any of those weeks so far.. 😥

Also in that time, Ella has learned to roll over, (she is almost sitting up unaided now) and Rowan has learned to draw a ‘w’ and a ‘t’… not to mention the leaps and bounds in her vocabulary and communication skills..

Not just satisfied with ‘no’ anymore, Rowan has now progressed to ‘I don’t want it’ said in a very posh little tone!

I got home yesterday and Rowan said ‘I can’t reach’.. for something I forget now..

‘I didn’t know she could say that.’

‘Oh yes’, he said ‘she’s been saying that for a while now.’

Sniff sniff 😦

Bad mother.

Missed all these things.

I’ve missed all these things .. missing development and milestones but then I know what I’m doing is providing them with things that I want them to have.

When they go to school, I’ll miss loads of things as well. But they will tell me about them. I don’t welcome the idea of them going to school. But then actually, I panicked completely about the idea of leaving Rowan in someone else’s care altogether and yet most mornings when I leave her at nursery, I don’t even look back!!

One morning, I actually forgot to wave goodbye!

I was late for work. 😕

Bad mother.

But.

I’m bringing home the bacon. Making the dough. Being the breadwinner.
And many other food related analogies for making money.

It feels like a tough decision sometimes but then when I think about being at home with them day in day out.. I know what I’m doing is a good thing. I don’t want to be with them all day. I would hate it. Rowan drives me round the bend just at the weekend! I have no patience for the two year old.

Endless patience for the baby. Just not for the two year old.

It’s basically this: As soon as free will comes into it.. they piss me off. 😆
Not all the time obviously. But just in general throughout the day. It’s the persistent, insistent, consistent pushing of buttons till you snap. Realising that saying ‘I’m tired’ might get them out of the penalty zone.

Even understanding (God dammit!! 🙂 ) that being hungry might get her out of something she’s done wrong!

I didn’t mean it mummy.. ‘I’m ‘ungry!!’ whine whine… argh!! *tears hair out* 🙄

I don’t want to be at home with them all day because being with them all day would mean I couldn’t do my job.

And I love my job.

I love my kids.. obviously.. but at least working as well, means I get both.

Plus. Families need money and my earning potential is so much higher. It makes sense.

I’ve come across so many people who think what we do is weird.

I’m weird for going to work. I’m a mother. I should want to be with my children.

BN is weird for staying at home.

It’s not ‘normal’. He’s a dad. He should work.

It’s bizarre for a man to want to be with his kids at home.

When I say that actually BN doesn’t want to be at home. He would much rather be working. I see people almost visibly relax with relief that we’re ‘not that odd then’..

At least he doesn’t want to be doing it.

He is normal.

Oh, we are normal then.

Good good. I was worried. 🙂

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. Mrs HoJo permalink
    March 9, 2007 12:35 am

    Gutted

    I’m not that keen on normal

    xc

  2. March 9, 2007 6:05 am

    I think normal is just another word for boring. Or lying. I don’t think there is a normal in today’s world. Anyone who claims to be normal is full of it. We all have to make our way the best we can, and the best way for me likely wouldn’t be the best for you and your family and vice versa. I do understand the mental tugging you’re experiencing. I went through that for a year before I decided to quit my job. There’s a book called “Mommy Wars,” which attempts to explore this subject. It has many stories from working, stay-at-home, and everything-in-between moms. However, I found it was a bit middle-to-upper-class-New York City-‘centric in perspectives. There is some variety in careers, race, marital status, but there could have been more. By the way, perhaps Rowan is just practicing her American accent. We have a tendency to omit “h” sounds wherever the hell we want. Just because.

  3. Amanda permalink
    March 9, 2007 3:41 pm

    Whats normal? ;0)

  4. March 9, 2007 11:17 pm

    Oh no don’t be gutted!! I’m so clearly not normal.. it’s all an act to try and scrape some respect from my kids 😉

    Amanda.. not me!!!

    Student – I very possibly could be boring.. not sure if that’s the same thing as normal. My other half says that seeing my eyebrows over the top of the laptop every evening is pretty boring but he’s adamant I’m not normal 😆

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