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Battle of the Bulge

February 23, 2008
by
Battle of the Bulge, originally uploaded by Little Nut Tree.

This is me now then. Battle of the Bulge not going anywhere right now really is it..?

I am still trying to watch what I eat on the whole and I am being mostly healthy. Friday nights have started to be a bit of an ‘over-relaxed’ affair and I have to reign that in slightly but … on the whole… we’re being reasonably good.

Almost 5 months to go now until the Big Day… and the dress is ordered. The shop I’ve bought it from have ordered a 16 (US 14) and that’s slightly to big all round especially on the bust area and waist but it’s too much of a risk (that I’m definitely not willing to take) to order the smaller size and then find later that it needs to be let out and that I’m desperately trying to lose 7lbs the week before the wedding.

No thanks to that particular scenario!!

To be honest.. I have quite a strange figure. I have a weight that I seem to carry pretty well and even my doctor didn’t believe I weighed what I do. My main problem is my thighs and bum area.

The wedding dress fitting confirmed that I am in fact a mighty fine pear!

They did all my measurements and I am … a 10/12 on top (again US 8/10) a 14/16 on my waist and an 18 on my hips.

I mean seriously – how am I ever supposed to buy a proper dress?! I was stunned.

So.. these are my new jeans. Even though I had got into size 16 jeans these are an 18. Not for any reason other than the style of jean demands the next size up. I spoke to a friend about it and told her it felt like a step backwards.

Why oh why would I want to buy a size 18 pair of jeans when I can fit into a size 16?? She reassured me that (at a lovely size 12), she does in fact have jeans from the same shop and of varying styles that range in size from 10 -14 just depending on cut.

At this point – I chilled out somewhat.

No there wasn’t a secret extra 7lbs on my bottom that only appeared when I went to try on trousers at Next, it is just that different clothes fit differently.

Fine. So size 18 kickflares from Next it is then. I like them 🙂
I was reading a weight loss blog this morning, not something I do regularly actually .. but I got a link to it and so off I went. I went right back through the archives and found her first post.

It struck me that pretty much everyone is the same. I remember when I first lost loads of weight and got down to 9.5 stone all the way from 17 stone (240lbs)… I couldn’t quite get it into my head that I’d lost loads of weight.

I was watching what I ate and of course I was aware I was slimmer. A little at first, then a bit more… a bit more and week by week the lbs dropped off and the clothes got a little bit baggier.

I was at uni at the time and I had no scales. So everything I lost could only be tracked by my measurements (which I took every month-ish) and by how my clothes felt and fitted (or didn’t).

My sister was a Slimming World consultant at the time and so everything I was doing followed the basic principles of that scheme and soon I realised that you could eat shedloads and lose weight. It was great. I went to visit my sister and my niece every couple of months and weighed myself on her SW scales and saw great losses which spurred me on no end.

When I look back at it probably one of the best things was having no scales because I was following the rules in principle – occasionally I had days where I didn’t behave but generally I was doing great and this meant that I never saw the weeks where I didn’t lose, or gained etc. Only weighing in every 8 weeks or so means you see losses of 1st or 20lbs which is so motivating it’s unreal.

The thing was – my head never really caught up. I remember a good while later, standing and taking measurements and seeing my waist was 26inches and thinking that was good as it meant that I’d lost another inch or whatever it was. But still felt like I had to wear decent clothes that covered, or ‘suited’. I still behaved big even though I was small.

I was in size 10 tops and size 14 jeans (oh yes! to the pear shape) but still I felt like a big girl. An overweight girl – on a lot of days. Not every day granted, but enough of the time to stop me appreciated the result of all my hard work.

The weird thing is that 8 years later I am now back up to an unhealthy weight (following two pregnancies obviously) and in my head I struggle to remember that I’m not 10st. I walk through the shops and catch my reflection in windows and think ‘ Christ – who is that person?!’ It’s just not what I think of when I imagine myself and that part of weight loss is the hardest part I think.

You can get so caught up in the psychological part of it – about whether we should be motivated or whether we’re allowed that treat, what I look like – or what I *feel* that I look like – or whether we’re having a fat day or a thin day and how that affects what I eat for the rest of that day, or that week or that meal out etc. etc. etc.

I have got into a pattern where I weigh myself every day because I’ve convinced myself that the daily losses of a lb push me to be better behaved. But to be honest – would I still be here in March nearly, the same weight as I was in November if that were really the truth?

The fact is I’ve put 4lbs on in the last 7 days and I don’t know how that’s happened at all so how much of an eye am I keeping on myself really?

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One Comment leave one →
  1. February 23, 2008 2:46 pm

    From a blokey point of view, there is nothing wrong with how you look, so don’t panic 😀

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