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There's a Conspiracy!!

April 16, 2008
by

Hairs.

What’s up with hairs?

I have pondered this one for ages… and I have come to a conclusion.

Hairs have brains. Clearly.. not real brains…. Hairbrains 🙂

They know where to grow, they know how much to grow and they even know what to look like when they grow in a certain place. It’s intelligence in a hairy form!

Foxy hair knows to be the way it is… face hair….arm hair…. beardy hair for boys… leg hair.. underarm hair…. nose hair….

In a little world of my own the other day I kind of imagined little hairs lined up like soldiers receiving their orders for growth 🙂

A scary, bossy hair scouring the troops & dishing out orders… Major Follicle if you will 🙂

“You sir!!! You are BEARD!! Tairn-SHUN!!! Hup two three four hup two.. and you need to beef up before you get there if you’re going to stand a chance!!!”

“YOU!!!! LEG HAIR!!!! Aaaaand LEFT right LEFT right….”

I make myself giggle sometimes with the looniness of my brains… sometimes I just need to apologise to the people that have to listen 🙄

The only thing is … what’s up with hairs that don’t do what they’re supposed to do?

….

I have five blacks hairs that seem set to attempt life in the middle of my chin ‘area’ when surely by the look of them… and the err… ‘bristley’ feel… they belong in the thigh ‘high’ area… and if you do anything to them… they grow back bigger and stiffer and blacker!!! UNfair guys!!

What.is.up.with.that?!

[Also if you have a 3 and a half year old daughter – she will point to these hairs and ask you if you’re going to get a scratchy face like Daddy] 🙄

I have a long blond hair – suitable maybe for a ..oooh say a blond haired person – that is partial to the middle of my forehead when I know for a fact that it belongs… well not in the middle of my forehead.

And [incidentally] it appears overnight!? Instantly 2cms long..when I swear it wasn’t there the night before! I just don’t get that whatsoever! How is that even possible? Do I drink miracle growth in the night? Do my hairs have growth competitions? Are they in pursuit of the hairy trophy?!

I have Foxy hairs that don’t seem to know when to stop …. you can trim and trim and shave and wax and trim all you like but for some reason there’s no telling the erm…. ‘shrubbery’ that you don’t require it being any longer than ‘just so’ …. they just keep on trying!!! And then there’s hairs on my shins that have been so massacred by waxing that seem to have forgotten how to grow at all… either that or they’re just too scared to try!

I also have an issue with man hairs that seem to change their own destination. I imagine the errant leg hair on it’s way to Thigh-land when it naughtily decides to see what the mystical ‘Land of Back’ is about and they tell their mate to check out ‘Ear’ because they’ve heard it’s roomy up there. And before you know it… you’re married to a man with ear & back hair! It’s so unfair! It’s not supposed to happen!!!! 🙂

So… tell me this… when you have hairs that insist on trying out life in the middle of your chin…. how do you address that without making them angry? And when you have hairs in your … erm.. delicate lady area that you’re sick of seeing…. how do you ‘see’ to that without having to succumb to the screaming agony of hot wax and an 18 year old girl called Khimbilly (that’s Kimberley to you and I…) or the dodgy practice of razors?

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. Merry permalink
    April 16, 2008 10:30 pm

    I have the same chin hairs – VERY annoying. Am going to get them zapped… but now i tweezer them. Very annoying.

    Also, VERY funny post 🙂

  2. April 17, 2008 12:00 am

    Hairlarious! There are more puns but I should probably cut it short and wave goodbye.

    Sorry.

    I feel compelled to point out that I do not have ear or back hair!

  3. April 17, 2008 7:47 am

    Laser hair removal sounds like the only way to go. If only I could afford it.,..
    As for the current chin predicament, tweezers and a very close daily inspection to grab any regrowth. Maybe they’ll eventually give up.

    Vic’s last blog post..You know life’s hard when…

  4. April 18, 2008 8:37 pm

    Yeah I hoped so too years ago Vic… and yet they don’t seem to be going anywhere….!

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